A new year, new you right? If you want to be #1, and we know you do, that means knocking out your competitors; by any means necessary. Don’t worry these aren’t the obvious tactics like go back to school and get an education or become proficient in something; that would be boring. There are far more insidious ways to force the spotlight on yourself and make others seem insignificant. That’s right we have them here for your perusal and personalization and without further ado . . .
1. Hang out with girls with different hair & skin color-If you wanna shine bright like a diamond you can’t do it if other bitches are stealing your shine!!! If you’re a blonde and you’re seen with other blondes someone might think they’re prettier and that’s not supposed to happen. Your ego needs lots of food and it can’t be fed if some other bitch gets attention, what do to? Don’t hang out with her; hang out with brunettes instead and girls with different ethnicities; an African American girl is ideal.
2. Pretend you don’t know them-It doesn’t matter if you’ve been friends with another girl for 10 years, if they’re getting more attention than you kick them to the curb!!! Especially in situations where there are potential suitors; the good ones like the ones who will treat you like arm candy while you stay home and raise their kids. Don’t miss these opportunities because they don’t last and you’ll want these gentleman before someone else scoops them up.
3. Subtle Insults-First make sure the insult is subtle enough so if you’re called out by any chance you can use the “I was only joking” clause. Here’s a good example-you’re in yoga class not feeling so great about yourself, maybe you’ve gained a bit of weight. You see a friend who you haven’t seen in a while who looks great, radiant, and is with someone who’s even more radiant. You decide your friend shouldn’t have brought that even more radiant girl into class, how dare she?!!? So you wait until after class, walk up and say “wow I haven’t seen you in a while, are you sick you look tired?” Stick it to both of them I say for making you feel bad about yourself!!! Then laugh, ha ha ha ha, like you meant no harm. This might take some practice but you can keep these finely tuned insults up your sleeve for when the moment is right.
4. Exclude them-This ones been used since the dawn of time, just don’t invite them. It doesn’t matter if it’s a yoga class or a social event, they’re not welcome to outshine you. Just don’t invite them and if they ask you why say “oh I thought you got the invite?” Then you might have to allow them to attend your super exclusive soiree but that doesn’t mean you have to pretend to know them; see #2.
5. Single White Female-Copy, copy, copy is the name of this game!!! No ideas, no problem; just copy whatever someone else says or does. If she wears a romper, you wear a romper, if she goes to yoga, you go to yoga, if she uses a catch phrase, you use a catch phrase, if she has a boyfriend, you take that boyfriend!! Not a new boyfriend, her boyfriend. You can steal her style, boyfriend, mannerisms; you can probably buy her personality off the black market if you’re really savvy. Don’t bother going to that personal empowerment class, they know nothing; the real secret is thievery.
You’re all set and ready to take over 2017 and if push comes to shove, that’s right, just push them out of the way.
CAVEAT: These are all real life experiences and not for the faint of heart, come get your prana yoga
Written by Kristen Carla Blogger/Acupuncture Physician www.facebook.com/kristencarla
Kodawari Studios 3965 S. Henderson Blvd., Suite C, Tampa, Fl 33629